I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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