He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
