I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
