I can tuck mytits in my pants
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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