Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
