please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
