I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
