Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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