When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
