PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize