Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing