I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
