u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
