how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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