Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
