I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
