the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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