I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
