the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
