It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
