They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
