babies were throwing up all over the place
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
