Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
