its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
