I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
