Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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