a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
