I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
