i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
