I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
