You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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