coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
