and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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