Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
