upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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