there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
