That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
