I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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