She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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