Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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