i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
