She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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