i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
