There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I puked a lego.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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