so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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