your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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