i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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