it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
