i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
