dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
