sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
