i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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