You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
