its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
