We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it because I queefed?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
