no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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