Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
