last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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